u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
