You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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