Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I touched a dick in church today
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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