I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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