i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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