Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
