do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
