She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
no you cant smoke seaweed
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
