Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
