It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
honey bunches of taint.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
