You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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