Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
