just tell him i said nine months
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
