Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Panties = found
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
