I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
