I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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