Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
