I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
