i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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