Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
