woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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