Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
