Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
