I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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