He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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