I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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