somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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