My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize