i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
