My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize