is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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