And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
