I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
this hospital has no fireball
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize