But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
