xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
