Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
