Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
