Ambien. No doubt about it.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
