it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
