don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
This baby is an asshole
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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