Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
