TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
