So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
