i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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