Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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