Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
