I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
