also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
