Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
