I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
