I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize