Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
