Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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