it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
