Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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