i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
