Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
