she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
