I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
