I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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