I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It's never too late to be topless.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize