You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
