he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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