I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
