I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
