watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
