Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
