i need an iv and a liver transplant
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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