i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
