saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
